SemiConscious Dot Org

Short answer: no.

Slightly longer answer: Aw, HELL no.

Maybe one of the creators of the original, cheesy 70’s series was Mormon. Maybe the current show’s “Lost Tribe” mythos has some superficial similarities with Mormonism (and about a dozen other religions.) So? If The Best Show on TV™ was designed as a secret Mormon recruitment tool, they’ve done a lousy job of it: morally ambiguous, three dimensional characters; the principle adherents of the One True Religion being the Bad Guys; many different philosophical viewpoints presented without any being favored; and lots of drinking, swearing, and screwing. You know, sort of like real life.

As Keith points out, fiction (and science fiction) whose primary purpose is to advance one philosophical or religious agenda almost always sucks, because character development and story believability is inevitably sacrificed for the purpose getting across the author’s agenda. The result is a story that is boring, stilted, and predictable, with two dimensional characters doing idiotic things for reasons that never ring true. That, and lots of windy moralizing and long, boring speeches. In short, the end product is terrible and unreadable. (See: the Left Behind series; any Ayn Rand novel ever written.)

BSG will go down as one of television’s artistic pinnacles, precisely because it avoids all those pitfalls.

The Editors patiently attempt to explain it one last time to all you jealous dumbasses:

So, to review: in the real world, videotaping a pre-game practice – as was alleged, and alleged and alleged, could be evidence of cheating in a game. (Here, I wait patiently for Gregg Easterbrook to explain how the NFL has destroyed evidence of a second cameraman, perched on a nearby grassy knoll). But there is no such videotape. In a Dimension of Sight and Sound and Acapulco Gold and Shitty Local Football Teams, evidence of shit we already established happened constantly is evidence that you won the last fifty Super Bowls. Putting forth such half-baked theories in this universe, however, appears to be strongly correlated with having Tom Brady whip your team like they were his illegitimate model-spawn. It may be that football is too sophisticated, intellectually and emotionally, for certain fans. Other amusements might be more appropriate.

In a sane universe, this would be the end of it. However, we all know that this is not a sane universe.

All of you Hilary supporters out there who are clamoring that Florida’s primary votes MUST BE COUNTED!!1!! might want to have a gander at this story first:

Substitute teacher Jim Piculas does a 30-second magic trick where a toothpick disappears then reappears.

But after performing it in front of a classroom at Rushe Middle School in Land ‘O Lakes, Piculas said his job did a disappearing act of its own.

“I get a call the middle of the day from the supervisor of substitute teachers. He says, ‘Jim, we have a huge issue. You can’t take any more assignments. You need to come in right away,’” he said.

When Piculas went in, he learned his little magic trick cast a spell that went much farther than he’d hoped.

“I said, ‘Well Pat, can you explain this to me?’ ‘You’ve been accused of wizardry,’ [he said]. Wizardry?” he asked.

(link via Badtux the Snarky Penguin)

And lest you think that I’m unfairly tarring an entire state on the basis of a single, isolated incident, perhaps you might take a look at this exclusive footage of the official, Florida State Board of Education-approved science curriculum.

Ok, so I lied.

Anyway, today at work I was scrounging through the “Server Graveyard” in the back of the building, and happened upon a hidden gem: a machine that hadn’t been stripped for spare parts. The server (an HP Proliant ML370 G1, for all you geeks out there) was old, but reasonably robust, and even had all four of its original hard drives (ok, so they’re only 18Gb each.) Since servers only end up in the Graveyard as a precursor to being junked, I asked the equipment manager if I could have the box I had discovered.

“Sure,” he said. “Got a forklift?”

Yeah, it was a a bit heavy.

But hey, it works, and now I have my own server to play with. The question now is what to install on it. Sure, I could probably scrounge up a copy of Windows Server 2000 or 2003 at work, but given my distaste for their crappy desktop operating systems, why would I want to use their server software? Being a huge fan of Ubuntu, I’m naturally curious about Ubuntu Server Edition. Anybody out there have any firsthand experience with it? Is it any harder or easier to install than other varieties of Linux server software? How’s the hardware and/or driver support? Is there a GUI?

Regard these questions immediately!

I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised. No sooner had a group of enterprising nerds formed The Jedi Church, then there appeared a second, competing Jedi Church. And I think we all can guess what happened next. For every church, there is a heretic:

A man posing as Darth Vader attacked a Star Wars fan who had founded a Jedi Church, a court has heard.

Arwel Wynne Hughes, 27, from Holyhead, Anglesey, admitted assaulting Barney Jones and cousin Michael with a metal crutch. They suffered minor injuries.

Hughes, who was drunk and dressed in a black bin bag, shouted “Darth Vader!”

Earlier, when Hughes failed to arrive on time, District Judge Andrew Shaw issued an arrest warrant, adding: “I hope the force will soon be with him.”

Stay tuned for the Jedi Inquisition, wherein all Vaderites will be rounded up and tortured until they admit that Jar Jar was the worst character ever.

Albert Hoffman, discoverer of LSD, dead at 102.

(link via The Guys From Area 51)

Yep, you read that right: the man who invented TEH MOST DANGEROUS DRUG EVAR!!1!! and who regularly used it himself for decades, lived to the age of one hundred and fucking two.

I wonder how our current Drug Czar will explain away that inconvenient little fact?

(Originally posted on May 1st, 2006; bumped up and updated with new links.)

O glorious day! We were prepared to mark the illustrious passing of May 1st by wishing all and sundry a happy May Day, Beltane, and/or Walpurgisnacht. However, it has recently come to our attention that this particular day is sacred to many, many others folks besides all the Celts, Druids, Wiccans, Pagans, and Anarcho-syndicalists in the hizz-ouse.

For example, lazy people. Did you know that today is National Phone In Sick Day? If you’re reading this at work, then you obviously didn’t! Sucker!

In addition, today is also a sacred day to those who revere and exalt our very own Dear Leader. For, on a glorious May 1st three four five short years ago, Dear Leader proclaimed not one, but two holidays – Loyalty Day and Mission Accomplished Day! This twin killing billing serves an ingenious purpose: if, at some point during the course of today, you happen to hear some objectively pro-terrorist nogoodnik point out that 2,262 of the 2,399 3,212 of the 3,351 3924 of the 4063 American fatalities in Iraq have occured since Dear Leader’s war ended, merely change the subject and challenge their patriotism by asking them if they know it’s Loyalty Day!

At last, someone has finally combined my two favorite pastimes:

Reading books and drinking beer.

That is all.

That it not dead which can eternal lie
And with strange eons even death may die.

-Abdul Alhazred, The Necronomicon

And at last, the hour has come round for this blog to once again issue its highly coveted 2008 Presidential endorsement. This time around, the sheer volume of concentrated evil inherent in the candidates caused far more protracted deliberation than normal. They have staked out some truly admirable positions in favor of widespread, indiscriminate slaughter and carnage.

Obama took the early lead with his promise to attack our ally Pakistan, but has since been thoroughly eclipsed by Hilary’s threat to nuke Iran. Both candidates’ potential death tolls, however, would pale next to those proposed by John McCain, who promises America 100 years of war and actively seeks the endorsement of loonies who openly pine for the Apocalypse. Truly inspiring, Senator!

Whatever to do? Who to choose? The wailing and gnashing of teeth could be heard from orbit! But, finally, the choice was clear, and it’s a familiar choice.

The human candidates in the race, potentially murderous though they may be, simply can’t compare with Great Cthulhu, whose policy platform consists of driving mad, then devouring, the entire human race. Not even Dear Leader can match Cthulhu’s record of spilled blood, however noble and persistent his attempts.

The final factor clinching our endorsement is Cthulhu’s stated promise to devour his loyal human servants last, thus insuring us a few precious extra minutes of life at your expense. As our race screams for a thousand years in the stomachs of The Elder Gods, such small mercies will be all important.

Ph’nglui mglw’nafh Cthulhu R’lyeh wgah’nagl fhtagn!

We’ve warned you time and time again that the Time Of The Monkey is nigh, and still you refuse to believe us. Maybe this will change your mind:

Oh sure, there are those Nattering Nabobs out there who will attempt to convince you that this Chilling Portent Of Doom is nothing more than a bad Photoshop job. Our first instinct was to accuse the doubters of being Objectively Pro-Simian America Hating Monkeyfascist Fifth Columnists…but then another, more terrifying possibility occurred to us:

What if monkeys have learned how to manipulate Photoshop?