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Search Michael Moore’s Underwear For Biological Weapons!
How could such a thing be? My world has been turned upside down, my naive, innocent faith in the supernatural prescience of Our Leader sorely tested. It seems that the weapons teams sent to Iraq to search for WMDs finally ended their search last month and came home. Their conclusion? There not only were there no Weapons of Mass Destruction in Iraq, but the programs had been dismantled back in 1991, and there was no evidence Iraq had any ability or means to restart them.
Bush has expressed disappointment that no weapons or weapons programs were found, but the White House has been reluctant to call off the hunt, holding out the possibility that weapons were moved out of Iraq before the war or are well hidden somewhere inside the country. But the intelligence official said that possibility is very small.
This is awful! Where could those wily bastards have hidden all their weapons? After all, we know they must be there; to believe otherwise would suggest the traitorous conclusion that Our Leader and his people have been lying all along, and thousands of Americans and Iraqis have died because of those lies! And that, of course, is simply not possible.
Personally, I think the Iraqis had help in hiding the thousands of nuclear warheads we know they must have had. And I have the sneaking suspicion we need look no further than our own backyard for the identity of that help. Was it Dan Rather? Susan Sarandon? The New York Times? The Gays? Are the WMDs hidden in a certain Commie filmmaker’s Size 72 tightie whities? Good Lord, the turncoat might even be Saint Mad Max! I thought he was One Of Us, but it appears I may have been wrong.
It’s a shame Susan Sontag passed away before we had a chance to get her down to Gitmo or Abu Ghraib; a few days there, and I’m sure she would’ve spilled the entire nefarious plot.
I don’t know who’s to blame, but I fully expect Brothers Hannity, O’Reilly, Limbaugh, Savage, Drudge, et al, to get to the bottom of this in the next few days. Who are the traitors? Who must we smite?
