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“PENGUIN LUST!! Nothing But Urges From Hell!”
Lo these many years has the sneaky, insidious Homosexual Agenda been on the warpath. Long before Reverend Dobson outed Spongebob, and even before Reverend Falwell exposed Tinky Winky, we had Fundamentally Oral Bill, the original prophet crying in the wilderness, and his clarion call to rouse a complacent America to the danger in our midst: Penguin Lust.
Sure, they laughed at Bill back in 1988, but who’s laughing now? For years, we’ve read terrifying stories detailing the spread of homosexuality amongst the world’s penguin population. Heck, the Liberal Media’s ceaseless attempts to “legitimize” this deviant avian lifestyle even led to a gay penguin running for President. (We’re pretty sure that the penguin’s candidacy siphoned off crucial support from Ralph Nader, thus undermining his bid to undermine John Kerry’s bid to undermine George Bush’s bid to have himself crowned Emperor For Life. But that’s a story for another day.)
Well, no more will the defenders of Decent, Family-Friendly Penguindom take this lying down. We’re fighting back, by gum! Yep, we’re gonna turn those homo penguins straight.
However, as the article points out, the attempt, while noble,
...may not be as successful as hoped after earlier experiments revealed great difficulties in separating homosexual couples.In case they show no interest, the zoo has also flown in two new male penguins “so that the ladies don’t miss out altogether”, Kueck added.
Good thing they’re taking those sensible precautions. We don’t want the lady penguins, should they be rejected, to turn as les-bionic as your average Oklahoma high school student.
Onward, Christian Flightless Waterfowl! There are penguin souls to be saved. It won’t be easy, but then, The Lord’s Work never is.
