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This Week on “When The Culture Of Life Attacks”…
Back in March, when we announced the first batch of nominees for the 2005 Craaaziest Christian of the Year™ award, we promised that a new group of contenders would be coming along in May. We will admit, however, to a certain amount of trepidation over our ability to deliver on that promise. Last month, when the College of Cardinals elected an ex-Nazi Grand Inquisitor to be God’s official representative on Earth, it certainly appeared as if the competition had prematurely ended, and we would have to crown a winner with almost eight months left in the year. And how boring would that have been?
Happily, however, we have underestimated the doggedness and can-do spirit of Christians. While the Papists may have already submitted their nominee, other branches of Christianity, determined not to be outdone in the Craaazy™ sweepstakes, have exhibited admirable levels of lunacy in the past few months. In fact, several of our early prospective nominees, such as the Chicago motorists who saw the Virgin Mary in a salt stain and the South Dakota couple who sell candles that smell like Jesus, ended up being bumped in favor of stronger candidates. Talk about an embarassment of riches!
Who would have thought there were so many believers out there willing to go to such absurd, hypocritical, and occasionally violent ends to spread the message of Christ’s love! We salute your abundance of faith and corresponding lack of common sense, tolerance, humility, self-control, or perspective. You are an inspiration to us all!
Without further ado, we bring you this month’s batch of nominees for the 2005 Craaaziest Christian of the Year™:
Pastor claims allowing girls to play sports is un-Biblical!
Pat Robertson claims that ‘activist judges’ are a worse threat to America than Al Queda!
Christian magazine claims that birth control is a plot by Satan to destroy motherhood!
Evolution goes on trial in Kansas!
Christian pharmacist group refuses to fill prescriptions for birth control pills!
Pastor Ted sends ‘prayer-walkers’ out to harass suspected witches – in their own homes!
North Carolina minister excommunicates members of his congregation for refusing to vote Republican!
FDA set to ban gay men as sperm donors!
And, last but certainly not least, we have The Culture of Life promising vengeance on the judges involved in the Terry Schiavo case.
Truly, such an inspiring abundance of insanity will make it exceedingly difficult to choose a winner from this month’s bracket, but choose we must. Let the voting begin. Glory!
