SemiConscious Dot Org

This is what is meant in Prescripture by The Time of Pee – it is the time foretold, when people would be judged not by works, nor by family, nor even by looks, but by their urine…

...They kick your door in anytime they want to. All they have to yell is ‘DRUGS!’ and your spouse is in jail, your kids are farmed out to the state, your car and house are suddenly theirs…

...Nobody up there is a friend of yours; nobody up there wants to see you get what you would call freedom…

It is written in First Irrigations, Book of Urinomics 4:12: “And the Beast said: “By their pee ye shall judge them, and by thy pee ye shall be judged. And all will be divided by their pee. And in the snow shall their names be written.”

– The Book of the Subgenius

Now, see, if our friend Pope Horatio could write like that, I might even begin to believe he was divinely inspired, and start to take his crazy-ass religion more seriously.

To be honest, this post has very little to do with either Drugs or the War On Some Of Them. And really, compared to the wholesale savaging of the Bill of Rights undertaken as part of the War On Terror, the War On Drugs seems almost quaint, doesn’t it? Conservatives are fond of saying that “9/11 changed everything,” and they are right. For instance, was it really only seven years ago that those very same conservatives tried to impeach the President of the United States for getting a blowjob? Seems like centuries. Now they scream “Treason!” whenever anyone gives the current President the stinkeye.

...and there I go off on yet another tangent. In truth, this post was originally supposed to be about what I did today, which was to buy a shredder. A powerful shredder, too, with big, nasty, pointy teeth. It’s strong enough that I can feed junk mail in there, unopened, and it chews it right up. This is especially fun with credit card offers. I stuffed this year’s 1040 instruction booklet in there, all 120 pages of it, and the shredder ground it into hamburger. It’s awesome.

Anyway, buying the shredder got me thinking about paranoia, about how in these dark days, it’s best not to have anything on paper, because if identity thieves don’t go through your trash, somebody Up There probably will. One day you’re minding your own business, and the next, jackboots are kicking down your door. You’ll be like Joseph K., never sure what the hell you’re charged with, but presumed guilty and treated accordingly anyway.

Ok, now I’m really babbling. It’s late, and I’m tired. All I really meant is that shredding masses of papers and bringing the resulting detritus out to the trash is really, really fun. There is a certain satisfaction that comes from shredding. I’m sure Ollie North and Liddy and the others must have enjoyed themselves mightily. Can you imagine the tonnage of shredded paper that will be generated at 1600 Pennsylvania Ave in December, 2008? You could throw parades for the next ten years with that much confetti.