Loading ...
God’s Mercy On You Swine
We had two bags of grass, seventy-five pellets of mescaline, five sheets of high-powered blotter acid, a salt shaker half-full of cocaine, and a whole galaxy of multicolored uppers, downers, screamers, laughers…. Also a quart of tequila, a quart of rum, a case of Budweiser, a pint of raw ether, and two dozen amyls…
– Saint Gonzo
Predictable quote, I know.
This afternoon, the millisecond the last schoolbus full of rugrats clears the school parking lot, I am hopping in my car and heading out to the desert. Several friends and I are going to see the Sasquatch Festival, located at the World’s Best Outdoor Concert Site, the Gorge Ampitheater. We’ll be camping out for two days and nights at this place. To say that I’m looking forward to this with squeaks of anticipatory glee would be something of an understatement.
And, to top it off, my birfday is this weekend (ok, Tuesday. Close enough.) Granted, this is not one of the years in which my birthday falls on Memorial Day, so there will not be a national holiday in honor of my birth, but I can certainly deal with a four day weekend in compensation. In the interest of streamlining the all-important “Buy Aaron Stuff” process, I present to you a few gift ideas. Bonus points will be awarded for creativity, quantity, and monetary value of the gifts. I also accept cash and/or traveler’s checks.
How about a scrolling LED belt buckle?
You can’t go wrong with Shakeutron:
And of course, there’s always the ever-popular GodJesus:
Of course, all these trinkets are pricey. Sure, I’m eminently worth it, but many of my friends are sadly poor. (Bad planning in choosing friends on my part, I guess. Why couldn’t I have befriended rich bastards?) If you want to show your deep and abiding reverence for me, and you’re on a budget, you can’t do better than the one, the only, Smoking Baby!
It’s cheap, it’s stylish, and best of all, it’s sold exclusively at the World’s Greatest Store, Archie McPhee’s ...which just happens to be right around the corner from my apartment!
PS. I am not, any way, shape, or form, endorsing the practice of smoking on the part of infants. Babies should never smoke.
