SemiConscious Dot Org

Belichick is my Shepherd. I shall not Lose. He Leadeth my Team to many, many Superbowls. He Maketh me to Win on all my Bets. He Tradeth Away the Crappy Players, That they might not Cost the Team Victories. Surely Wins will follow my Team all the Days of my Life, And the Lombardi Trophy shall Dwell in Foxboro Forever. - Belichick’s Prayer

With my Three Time Superbowl Champion New England Patriots enjoying a badly-needed bye week, the football-watching options today were rather meager. However, a quick perusal of the schedule informed me that the local NFL entry, a plucky little team apparently known as the “Seahawks,” would be hosting the Dallas Cowboys, who are currently led by coach Bill Parcells and QB Drew Bledsoe, both of whom formerly toiled for the Patriots. “What the hell?” I figured. “I’ve got nothing else to do.” And so, watch the game I did.

Wow, did I ever learn the error of my ways. After an excruciating 59 minutes of football in which both teams tried their absolute damnedest to give the game away, I found myself subjected to a 10-10 tie. The Cowboys had the ball with a scant 14 seconds left, well out of field goal range and out of timeouts. “Great,” I thought to myself, “we’re headed for overtime. Just what I want; another 15 minutes of this torture.”

Silly me. I had failed to figure in the Bledsoe Factor.

In the same situation, approximately 31 out of 32 starting QB’s in the NFL would drop to one knee and run out the clock, taking their chances in overtime…but not our boy Drew. No, he decides to throw the ball. And anyone who has followed his career can guess what happens next: the ball flies directly to a Seattle defender, who returns the interception down the sideline into field goal range, whereupon the Seahawks kick the game winner on the final play of the game.

Of all the many Bledsoe Brain Farts I’ve witnessed over the years (many of which cost the Patriots games) this is the most inexplicable one I’ve ever seen. Seriously, what in hell was he thinking??? And if Parcells was the one who called a pass play in the situation, what in hell was he thinking? Parcells should know better than anyone what happens when you let Drew Bledsoe throw the ball with the game on the line. It’s a recipe for disaster.

As the winning field goal sailed through the uprights, I once again gave fervent thanks for that fateful day in the fall of 2001, when Bledsoe approached Pats coach Bill Belichick and said “I’m ready to start again, coach,” and Belichick said “Um, yeah, not so much.”

Yea, all praise be to Belichick. Amen.