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Wankery Means Never Having To Say You’re Sorry
For lo these many years, this website has been dogged in its attempts to root out that insidious Fifth Column which never ceases in its tireless efforts to bring down America from within. In this endeavor, we owe a profound debt of gratitude to David Horowitz, whose handy traitor database has done wonders to illuminate the natural alliance that exists between secular, liberal Western intellectual agnostics and fanatical, right wing Middle Eastern religious extremists.
If resurrecting the sainted spirit of Tailgunner Joe were the only service to America Horowitz had performed, he would still be a hero to us. But nay, he has done much more than just pointing out the heretofore unseen but undeniable similarities between Katie Couric and Sheik Omar Abdel Rahman! He is also engaged in a heroic campaign to force public universities to adopt his Academic Bill of Rights, a document which seeks to root out political bias in college faculties by imposing a political bias litmus test as a condition of hiring. Brilliant!
In pursuit of this worthy-and-not-at-all-Orwellian-so-shut-up document, Horowitz has testified before several legislative bodies, relating stories told to him by conservative students on the rude treatment they received at the hands of big mean nasty liberal college professors. But alas, disaster has struck! It turns out that many of Horowitz’s most blood-chilling “When Liberals Attack” stories turned out to have no supporting evidence, forcing this recent tearful retraction and heartfelt apology from Horowitz:
Horowitz has said several times that a biology professor at Pennsylvania State University used a class session just before the 2004 election to show the Michael Moore documentary Fahrenheit 9/11, but he acknowledged Tuesday that he didn’t have any proof that this took place.(snip)
“These are nit picking, irrelevant attacks,” he said.
(snip)
In the interview, he said that he didn’t have the resources to look into all the complaints that he publicizes. “I can’t investigate every story,” he said.
One naturally wonders what effect this shocking news will have on the patriotic ranks of the 101st Fighting Keyboarders, that fearless group of conservative bloggers and pundits who make up for their lack of interest in actually fighting a war they loudly support by denouncing the war’s opponents as traitors to America. As Horowitz was a veritable Living God to this brigade, one might think that his unfortunate humiliation would be a grievous blow to their morale. In response, we link to this stirring Keyboarder battle anthem, a song which reminds us that supporting Dear Leader means that, if you don’t have any evidence to back up your claims, just make shit up! After all, it’s always worked for Dear Leader!
Type on, brave Keyboarders! General Horowitz would want you to, and The War On Terra needs you as never before. May your parents’ basement remain warm and your Cheeto-stained fingers free of Carpal Tunnel. Glory!
