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Freedom Costs a Buck O’Five
As the fine, patriotic folks at Operation Yellow Elephant have frequently noted, there is a noticeable disconnect between College Republicans’ loud vocal support for Dear Leader’s war and their enlistment rates to actually fight in that war. With our military getting stretched to the breaking point, this gap between word and deed is approaching crisis proportions.
Now, there are many out there who may take the gap as evidence that College Republicans are fat, spoiled, hypocritical cowards, who bluster patriotically (and call war opponents “traitors”) to cover up their own utter lack of courage, morals, or functioning brain synapses. But we disagree! No, we know the real reason these all-American patriots don’t sign up to fight a war they loudly support:
The war has no anthem.
Where’s this war’s “Yankee Doodle” or “Battle Hymn of the Republic” or “Over There?” Well, luckily, those industrious folks over at TPM Cafe have come up with just the sort of stirring anthem to send the Young Elephants storming out of their frat houses and parents’ basements and into the recruiting offices! Behold…
Ballad of the Young Republicans
Oh I’m a patriotic republican
the flag gives me a thrill
An I support the troops
like liberals never will
But the soldiers aren’t too grateful
and that gives me a pain
You’d think they were in danger,
the way they all complain
It’s “armor this” and “armor that”
and “where’s the exit plan”
and “give us filtered water”
this ain’t the boy scouts, man
so put a sock in it soldier
and salute the c-in-c
someone’s gotta fight them ayrabs
and it sure as hell ain’t me.
And years from now when I drive by
your cardboard sign and mangy dog
you’ll be wearing a ragged uniform
I’ll say, “look at that fucking slob”
you’ll be sitting on your wheelchair
afraid, alone, but don’t despair
I won’t forget the service
you gave our President
I may roll down the window
and toss you 50 cents.
