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Tuna: Is There Anything it Can’t Do?
Hail the majesty and wonder of the humble tuna! This unassuming fish, so long scorned as “icky” and “gross” by generations of low-income grade school students, has lately revealed long unsuspected latent powers! For, in addition to being delicious when mixed with mayo and celery and a dash of paprika, it is also a powerful anti-viral wonderdrug!
Over the weekend, U.S. Health and Human Services Secretary Michael Leavitt told attendees at the Wyoming Pandemic Flu Summit that it would be a good idea to start hoarding cans of tuna and powdered milk.“When you go to the store and buy three cans of tuna fish, buy a fourth and put it under the bed,” Leavitt said. “When you go to the store to buy milk, buy powdered milk and put that under the bed.”
We know you’re all scared crapless over the looming threat of the bird flu, but as you can plainly see, the problem is already solved. Our intrepid federal government, the same folks who showed how us to neutralize the threat of bioterrorism with duct tape and who did such a bang-up job of protecting New Orleans both before and after Hurricane Katrina, have ridden to our rescue again! Glory!
Sure, there may be those out there who think the multiple recent scary bird flu warnings from federal officials are just their way of passing the buck in advance for the day when the pandemic hits and they’ve done nothing to protect us. But, as we’ve said many, many times before, the type of people who say such things are objectively pro-terrorist and hate America and also probably French.
