Loading ...
Friday Monkey Blogging (Wednesday Apocalypse Edition)
Look, people. You’ve been warned.
For almost three years now, we’ve given you periodic updates on the most insidious threat facing human civilization:
The impending takeover of the monkeys.
The general level of monkey mayhem has spiralled ever upwards over the past few years, increasing exponentially during the Year of the Monkey and continuing unabated even after that Year ended last February.
Scoff, if you will, at recent stories of monkeys biting humans in India, stealing cell phones in London, devastating farmers’ crops in Puerto Rico, breaking into homes in Japan, achieving civil rights equal to humans in Spain, or applying for citizenship in the US.
Well, it’s no laughing matter now. The monkeys have learned to kill humans. And that’s without the use of firearms, which they will, no doubt, soon evolve the ability to manufacture and fire. Obviously, we’ve made the Monkey God very, very angry, and he has responded by sending forth his minions to begin their long-feared takeover of the Earth.
We’ve said it before (actually, we say it at the beginning of every year) but this time we are categorically certain of its inevitability: by the end of this year, the tattered remnants of humanity will be huddled in caves, desperately seeking to evade detection from the Extermination Teams sent out by our Monkey Overlords.
The Time of the Monkey is Nigh! NIGH, we tell you!
