SemiConscious Dot Org

It is a breath of fresh air to us to note, at a time when our great nation seems sadly awash in America-hating Americans, that Dear Leader and his regime can nonetheless count on stalwart defenders such as Stephen Colbert. This fearless culture warrior and spokeman for conservative values took the stage at Saturday’s White House Correspondents Dinner and delivered a stern rebuke to those who think that such fripperies as a 34% approval rating mean that Dear Leader is in trouble:

Colbert, who spoke in the guise of his talk-show character, who ostensibly supports the president strongly, urged Bush to ignore his low approval ratings, saying they were based on reality, “and reality has a well-known liberal bias.”

He attacked those in the press who claim that the shake-up at the White House was merely re-arranging the deck chairs on the Titanic. “This administration is soaring, not sinking,” he said. “If anything, they are re-arranging the deck chairs on the Hindenburg.”

Colbert also took the opportunity to courageously chide those assembled members of the America-hating, objectively pro-terrorist Fifth Columnist Nattering Nabobs for failing to properly understand their jobs in a time of war:

“Let’s review the rules. Here’s how it works. The president makes decisions, he’s the decider. The press secretary announces those decisions, and you people of the press type those decisions down. Make, announce, type. Put them through a spell check and go home.

Get to know your family again. Make love to your wife. Write that novel you got kicking around in your head. You know, the one about the intrepid Washington reporter with the courage to stand up to the administration.

You know – fiction.”

Sadly, the elephantine courage of Mr. Colbert is lost on many, including, most dishearteningly, many of us on the Right. Indeed, as this roundup of response from the blogosphere shows, some of our fellow conservatives actually believed that Colbert was making fun of Dear Leader! (Even Dear Leader himself seems to have been of that opinion.) This is sad and tragic, but as Mr. Colbert doubtless knows, defending Our War Preznit and his War on Terra™ in these dark times is a thankless proposition. Lonely are the brave, culture warrior!

Those patriotic, god-fearing Republican ‘Murricans who wish to show support for Colbert (and, by proxy, Dear Leader) in their time of need can do so by reading the transcript of his stirring words, watching the video clips of his majestic speech, and signing this online Thank You Letter to a great man and patron saint of Truthiness. Glory!

Ironically enough, I have Saturday Night Live to thank.

Late one night in 1989, in the course of an otherwise eminently forgettable SNL episode, I happened to catch a musical performance so incendiary that it changed my listening habits forever. Neil Young, a performer I previously dismissed as “some old hippie folk rock dude” in my parent’s moldy record collection, took the stage and tore through a song called “Rockin’ in the Free World.” The ironically titled song, in truth a scathing indictment of Reagan-era America, was performed at ear-splitting volume, as Neil leaped around the stage, coaxing unholy shrieks out of his guitar and snarling lines like “Thousand Points of Light…for the Homeless Man” and “Kinder, Gentler Machine Gun Hand.” I was instantly hooked. I ran out the next day and bought several of his albums, and have been a fan ever since.

Two years later, I once again found myself sitting through an otherwise forgettable SNL episode, and who should take the stage but Pearl Jam, a band I had previously known only as “those guys in flannel who sing that mumbly song about thoughts and butterflies.” They proceeded to tear into a song called “Alive.” While this song was much more personal and less political than “Rockin’ in the Free World,” the lyrics nonetheless connected with me on just as visceral a level, as Eddie bellowed his rage and confusion into the mic while the rest of the band leaped around the stage like men possessed. I was instantly hooked. I ran out and purchased “Ten” the next morning, and have been a fan ever since.

Pearl Jam quickly became the biggest-selling band in the world, while Neil enjoyed a modest career renaissance (due in no small part to the reverence directed his way by younger musicians such as Pearl Jam.) When the two teamed up to blister through “Rockin’ in the Free World” on the MTV music awards, it made perfect sense. In 1995, coming off their third multi-million selling album in a row and at the absolute peak of their popularity, Pearl Jam served as Neil’s backing band for the album Mirrorball (to my mind, the best album he’s done since his late 70’s heyday.)

And then the bottom fell out.

Pearl Jam’s self-imposed moratorium on releasing singles or videos finally began to take its toll on their album sales. Their Quixotic battle with Ticketmaster, while laudable, made it harder and more expensive to see them in concert. And their subsequent albums, while still enjoyable to hardcore fans such as myself, were light on the catchy, arena-ready singalongs that had garnered them their popularity in the first place (not that they would have released any singles anyway.) Neil’s career likewise took a downturn, as his 1989-95 creative renaissance ended and he churned out a series of really, really shitty albums.

Fast forward to today. Both Neil and Pearl Jam are still around, doing quite well for themselves on the concert circuit. While the shows still sell out, neither has been in the larger musical spotlight for a long, long, time. Until now, that is. Pearl Jam’s new self-titled album comes out today, and Neil’s new album, “Living With War,” while not “officially” released yet, has been streaming from his website since Friday, and is available for download from online retailers starting today. And, more to the point, both albums are easily the best either artist has released in a decade. And I guess I should thank George W. Bush for that fact, since the primary factor behind the harder-rocking sound of both albums is seething anger at his administration and his policies and his stupid, pointless war. (Check out the lyrics to PJ’s “World Wide Suicide” and Neil’s “Let’s Impeach the President” if you don’t believe me.)

Werlcome back, boys. You’ve been sorely missed.

UPDATE: The new album has garnered mostly positive reviews...except, of course, from Pitchfork. Phew, that’s a relief. If Pitchfork had liked it, I would have started to worry.