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Jacobin Jayhawk Jezebels Jettisoning Jesus!
For the past several months, we have been furiously at work on plans to move out of the hellbound, objectively pro-terrorist blue state environs of Seattle, and into the cozy embrace of Kansas, ie God’s Own State. The long and proud tradition of Kansans voting repeatedly and enthusiastically for the very same Republicans who ravage their state’s economy convinced us that this is where our ministry would flourish.
Now, however, we must reconsider our plans, for it seems that dastardly liberalism may be infecting Kansas like a cancer. You see, last week, the Kansas State Senate voted against allowing 14 year olds to marry! Creeping liberalism was not unopposed, however, as State Senator Kay O’Connor battled heroically to stop the evil bill from passing. Her gambit of citing Loretta Lynn and The Virgin Mary as examples of successful child brides was truly inspired! Unfortunately, her heroism in this matter was as unsuccessful as her earlier opposition to women having the right to vote; the bill she so stalwartly opposed passed 36-4. The fiendish liberals of the 75% Republican State Senate have won again!
With Kansas turning so defiantly away from the Biblical tradition of child brides, and Utah cracking down on its Godly heritage of multiple wives, it seems there’s no hospitable place left in the America for a God-fearing Christian.
