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Armageddon It
Good News, Christians! The Israelis have kickstarted World War III. Huzzah! We salute our friends in the Israeli military, who, despite not believing in Jeebus and thus facing certain fiery death in the Rapture, are nonetheless greatly influenced by the mindset of such Saved Ones as our own Dear Leader. The very same war strategemery that has succeeded so spectacularly in Iraq is now on full display in Lebanon. By stating unequivocably that every man, woman, and child in southern Lebanon is a terrorist, the Israelis demonstrate their allegiance to the DubYa Doctrine, which can be best summed up as “A Terrorist is Whoever We Goddamn Well Say is a Terrorist.” Thus stated, this doctrine can be expanded infinitely, thus ensuring that the War on Terra™ shall be eternal and unending! Glory!
So spectacularly successful has the Israeli policy of “Kill ‘Em All and Let Allah Sort ‘Em Out” been, in fact, that we quiver in anticipation at the imminent arrival of the Rapture, possibly next Tuesday after lunch. So too, apparently, does the mainstream American media, as CNN and ABC and MSNBC have all recently hosted panel discussions such as “End of Days: Should I Pack a Sweater for Heaven?” We expect such insightful analysis from fellow travellers like Reverend Robertson, but now the Formerly America-Hating Taliban-Coddling Liberal Media is finally getting on board the Apocalypse Express as well!
We had initially feared that the Israelis might suffer some political flak from those same Jacobin Peaceniks here in ‘Murrica who have never understood how bombing the mortal shit out of helpless civilians helps spread the cause of Freedom™. Luckily, as they have so many times before, those brave, selfless legions of the 101st Fighting Keyboarders have lumbered into the fray, taking time out from their busy schedule of denouncing Iraq War critics as traitors to America to proclaim all critics of Israeli military policy as anti-semites. Well played, sirs! And if this Godly smear campaign doesn’t work, we can simply do to the naysayers what some enterprising patriots in Orange County, New York did to the neighborhood liberal: leave horse heads in their swimming pools!
America: Love It Or Get Whacked!
