SemiConscious Dot Org

As I heroically hacked my way through four weeks worth of unread email this morning, I stumbled across a link sent by the always helpful Notorious BCK, alerting me that a new Thomas Pynchon novel is set for release in December. (Hell, BCK was so helpful that I even stole the title of this post from her email. Hopefully, her team of high-powered lawyers isn’t drawing up the copyright infringement suit as I speak.)

As BCK knows, Pynchon is one of my favorite authors. Back in the days when we worked together, I subjected her and many others to frequent (often drunken) monologues about how “Gravity’s Rainbow is the greatest novel of the late 20th century goddamit.” I would hasten at this point to add that, unlike the vast majority of the people who drunkenly rant about how Gravity’s Rainbow is the greatest novel of the late 20th century goddamit, I have actually read the entire book. Cover to cover. Several times.

According to the description of the upcoming novel, it will be another of Pynchon’s sprawling epics in the style of Rainbow, rather than a more concise, relatively “straightforward” mindfuck along the lines of The Crying of Lot 49.

Since this is Pynchon, the new novel’s release obviously won’t be promoted by a book tour. And those of us who long for an in-depth interview of a man for whom the last known photograph dates to 1953 will no doubt be disappointed again.

But hey, maybe he’ll “appear” on another Simpsons episode.

The newest sensation in the world of extreme sports:

World Rock, Paper, Scissors Championship!

Thirty minutes after his victory, McGill didn’t remember his winning combination.

How did he train for the six-hour mental marathon?

“I shotgunned a ton of beer,” he said. “I listened to a ton of Stevie Wonder. I was nailing that.

“I can’t write a thesis or something like that. I am not very good at intense math or something like that. But rock, paper, scissors is something I am good at. Feels pretty special. I would compare it to Swayze after the filming of ‘Road House.’”

Only time will tell if this ancient sport of kings and warriors will supplant extreme ironing as the “hep” new sport of the “cool kids.” We will, of course, keep a careful eye on this situation, as it goes without saying that, in our line of work, it’s extremely important to be Hep.