SemiConscious Dot Org

Since the events of 9/11, it has been perfectly obvious to all real Americans that Dear Leader and his administration must have unfettered powers to prosecute his War on Terra. When civil libertarians and other enemies of Freedom argue that a President ignoring laws he doesn’t like represents a grave danger to democracy, this merely shows that they have a Pre 9/11 Mindset and are unserious about combatting terrorism.

We are worried, however, that this expansion of Presidential powers, while welcome and necessary, does not go far enough. It’s all well and good to repeal the Constitution, but what about the documents it was based on? The Magna Carta was written in 1215, and its sadly antiquated limits on the Divine Right of Kings are no longer relevant to the Post-9/11 world. So let’s get rid of ‘em!

White House Spokesman Tony Snow: The Geneva Convention prohibition on torture means whatever the fuck we say it does. How ya like that, eggheads?

Q Tony, I’m confused. Everybody I talked to today on the Hill says, look, you’ve had the Geneva Conventions in place since 1947. This isn’t the Migratory Birds Treaty we’re talking about. This is the Geneva Conventions.

MR. SNOW: Right.

Q And it’s a very simple argument. We don’t want to talk about the definition of amend or change, but that it stands on its own as written, hasn’t been tinkered with since 1947, doesn’t need to be tinkered with now. So if that seems to be the position from a former JAG and a former POW and a former Secretary of the Navy, where’s the room to work anything out?

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Q What are other countries to make of the U.S., as you put it, adding definition to the Geneva Convention? Is the U.S., in effect, saying, all the rest of you do this, too—adversaries and friends, alike?

MR. SNOW: Look, I think this is something that we’d be—we would not be frightened if adversaries did this. We would not be at all frightened if they did this.

Warrantless wiretaps of American citizens is illegal? Fine, we’ll just have our lapdogs in Congress make it legal – retroactively!

Specter, who called NSA’s warrantless surveillance a “festering sore on our body politic,” champions his bill, since it allows, but does nor require, the administration to submit the whole surveillance program to review by a secretive court. Specter says President Bush promised to submit the NSA program to the court, if the bill passes.

As Dear Leader and his minions constantly remind us, we are at war with Islamofascists who want to destroy our Freedom. It should be perfectly obvious that, in order to thwart their designs, we must destroy our own Freedom first and thus deny them the satisfaction. That’ll show ‘em!

Divine Right of Preznits, bitches!