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How Long, O Lord, How Long?
Let the record show, O flock, that the week of November 7th was one of the darkest and most trying we’ve ever experienced. On Monday, we were happy and content in the certain knowledge that our beloved GOP would find a way to steal win the all-important midterm elections. It therefore came as a profound shock to us when the American voter instead chose to reveal their deep hatred of America by electing terrorist-loving Democrat majorities in both houses of Congress.
So deeply shaken was our faith that we and the Papal Concubine chose to spend the weekend in seclusion in Olympic National Park. In the picture below, one may see our esteemed person, standing knee-deep in the Pacific swell on Ruby Beach, bellowing our rage and confusion to the indifferent sky and uncaring universe.
O Lord, how could you forsake the Republican Party?
Finally, after much fasting and solemn prayer in the hot tub at the Lake Quinault Lodge, the Way was at last revealed to us: God always hurts those whom he loves most. Look at what happened to Moses and Co, after all: 40 years in the desert. And it goes without saying that God loves the Republican Party much more than some silly old Israelites, right?
Therefore, we feel it is only fair to warn you, O wicked and sinful America, that your insufficiently patriotic votes in the 2006 midterm elections have brought down the wrath of God upon you. This nation shall be cursed with rule by the Democrat Party unto the next four generations, as God proves how much he loves the GOP above all others by making Republicans wander in the political desert. If the Israelites got 40 years, we will get 80. That’ll show you ungrateful wretches to vote against us!
