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Why do the Boston Red Sox Hate America?
Brace yourselves, Christians: in yet another sign that the terrorists are winning, the Boston Red Sox have paid fifty one million dollars for the rights to negotiate a contract with Japanese pitcher Kawasake Subaru.
We suppose this news shouldn’t surprise us, considering that the Red Sox operate in the pinko-infested, homo-nups-loving state of Taxachusetts. And after all, Sox ownership, by brazenly endorsing John Kerry right in the middle of Dear Leader’s 2004 reelection campaign, has already demonstrated their deep hatred of America.
In the aftermath of 9/11, Dear Leader informed us all that the way we could best sacrifice for the greater good and display our patriotism was by “flying and buying.” News flash, Boston Red Sox: we’re pretty sure he meant to buy American products. So now, just five short years after the utterance of those hallowed words, you mock them by throwing money at Japanese pitcher Sony Toshiba! And while Japan is not currently a terrorist nation, we did fight a war against them not fifty years ago! By purchasing this baseball player, you are defiling the memories of those in the Greatest Generation who fought and died for Our Nation! Why do you hate our troops, Boston Red Sox? Perhaps the “Red” in your team name is no accident, eh Comrade?
While the Commie Sox spit in America’s face with their exorbitant offer to Japanese pitcher Toyota Mitsubishi, their main rivals, the wholesome, patriotic New York Yankees, have done things the right way, addressing their pitching needs with massive contracts to strapping young American pitchers such as Carl Pavano and Jaret Wright. Why couldn’t the Stalin Sox have followed their shining example? For shame, Boston! For shaaaaaame!
