SemiConscious Dot Org

Those of us on the wholesome, patriotic, freedom™-loving Right have long held it as axiomatic that the mainstream media in America constitute a nest of Jacobin Fifth Columnists, working overtime to sell out their country and the Kingdom of God to their Islamocommunofascist allies. (With the notable and noble exception of Fox News, who worked diligently to uncover the natural connection between a Democratic victory and gleeful terrorists. )

However, like all conservatives, we are fully capable of admitting when we are wrong, and if the last ten days have proven to anything to us, it’s that we were dead wrong about the media. No sooner had the election results been certified when the press reverted to the heady days of 1999, a time when they proved invaluable allies in our attempt to impeach Bill Clinton for getting a blowjob.

Seemingly within hours, stories began to appear, detailing the titanic “power struggles” going on within the Democrat Party. When incoming House Speaker Nancy Pelosi’s personal pick for Majority Leader lost, our media allies claimed this revealed a major rift and declared Pelosi unfit to lead, while simultaneously ignoring savage Republican infighting for their own leadership positions.

And who else but the media could have turned James Carville’s lone hissy fit in the wilderness over the fact that no one listens to his bullshit anymore into a major Democrat power struggle?

An essential aspect of any successful media whitewash campaign, in addition to publishing misinformation, is refusing to admit one’s past mistakes. After pillorying Howard Dean back in 2003 for his opposition to Dear Leader’s War, the media bravely and steadfastly refuses to admit Dean’s predictions were right and theirs were wrong. When Senator Russ Feingold earlier this year called for the censure of Dear Leader over His warrantless wiretapping program, the media predicted that the voters would punish the Democrats at the polls accordingly. This prediction was dead wrong, but have the media issued a mea culpa? Aw, hell no!

And so, “liberal” media, we Republicans owe you a heartfelt apology. We have, for too long, made you out to be The Enemy, when in fact, you have been our loyal ally in the Glorious Chistian Conservative Crusade to turn America into the one-party state it was always meant to be. Glory!

PS. And another thing: It’s been ten whole days since the Dhimmicrats won election. Why haven’t they caught Bin Laden yet?