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But How Does This Affect the War on Christmas?
For lo the many centuries since first arriving on these shores to rule them with an iron fist, we have kept alive the traditions of our ancestors. Primary amongst these traditions was keeping the Two Holy Days of the calendar (Festivus and Talk Like a Pirate Day, obviously) close to our hearts and celebrating them in the traditional manner. We thought it would always be thus.
But now, a gang of upstarts has arisen, creating a blasphemous new holiday and demanding that we pay them heed!
While we are leery of this holiday (since Ninjas notoriously practice Buddhism and Taoism and Shintoism and other non-Christian religions and are obviously thus bound straight for Hell upon their earthly demise) we must admit that, as Christians, the martial aspects of this holiday appeal to us. Were those martial aspects somewhat narrowed and focused (say, into a “Crusade,” for instance) we would be able to throw our wholehearted support behind it.
After all, as The Left begins its annual War on Christmas offensive, an army of silent assassins at our disposal would be most useful, especially since so many of the veteran Christmas Warriors, upon whom we had depended all these years to protect us from the Communist-inspired, objectively pro-terrorist slogan “Happy Holidays,” lately seem to be cracking under the strain of their awesome burden. We must ride to their rescue!
With ninjas.
