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DO NOT TAUNT HAPPY FUN BALL.
02 Mar
Yet another instance in which an Onion article is indistinguishable from reality:
“Daisuke is the pitching master!” said Boston Globe baseball columnist Bob Ryan, hopping from one foot to the other as he described videotape footage of Matsuzaka’s otherworldly pitching power and control banishing a flock of evil, conniving, left-handed-batting carp-spirits to the netherworld during a 2003 Seibu Lions game. “His Ultimate Galactic Dragon Gyroball Pitch Power Explosion breaks three feet inside before cutting sharply toward the dugout, where falsehood and cowardice are forced to shrink before it!”
Just one month until Opening Day. Halli-freakin-leujah.
