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Mmm…Sacri-licious
By now, you’ve doubtless all heard of the controversy: last week, in a deliberate attempt to destroy Christianity and let the terrorists win, a New York art gallery announced that it would be exhibiting a statue of Our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ…made entirely out of chocolate and stark naked! With a PENIS!
Luckily, the evil, heretical attempt to portray Jesus as a human male with human male genitalia was fought tooth and nail by stalwart Christian defenders such as Catholic League president William Donohue. This selfless hero, a man who has previously exposed the extent to which Hollywood is controlled by secular Jews who hate Christianity and who was instrumental in orchestrating the resignation of two John Edwards campaign staffers because they said bad words, bravely charged into the fray to do battle with Chocolate Jesus. In a statement that would no doubt be heartily endorsed by the thousands of murdered Christians in Darfur, Donohue thundered that the anatomically correct statue was “one of the worst assaults on Christian sensibilities ever.”
I’m happy to inform you that Donahue’s Holy Hysterics have been successful. The hotel that had been scheduled to host the blasphemous exhibit pulled the plug after Christians, in an inspiring testament to the message of Christ’s love, besieged the hotel with death threats! Such is the power of Faith!
No doubt, some of you out there are asking yourselves, “couldn’t the problem have been solved by giving Jesus a Chocolate Loincloth?” This ignores the rather obvious fact that the statue’s construction material is at least as controversial as its exposed wang. After all, every good Catholic knows that Jesus is a giant loaf of bread with booze for blood. Suggesting that he might be composed of some kind of “alternative” foodstuff is blasphemous!
Not surprisingly, the America-hating Left launched a counteroffensive as soon as news of the exhibit’s cancellation became public. Within hours, the artist was deluged with offers to purchase his statue. However, as of this writing, there is still no confirmation for the disrespectful rumors that Chocolate Jesus will be consumed at Easter Communion with graham crackers and marshmallows.
