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A Love Letter to John Ashcroft
Dear Former Attorney General Ashcroft,
I wish to extend my deepest, humblest apologies for having thought and said so many horrible things about you over the years. Sure, you are a religious fanatic who covered up boobs on statues and anointed himself with Crisco. And granted, your aggressive championing of and enforcement of the vile Patriot Act and horrible record on the issues of civil liberties and domestic surveillance have left a stain upon the very fabric of the Constitution that will last for years to come and perhaps forever…
But hey, even an authoritarian, antidemocratic religious loon is better than an incompetent, lying, mealy-mouthed twit:
GONZALES: I clarified my statement two days later with the reporter.SCHUMER: What did you say to the reporter?
GONZALES: I did not speak directly to the reporter.
SCHUMER: Oh, wait a second—you did not.
(LAUGHTER)
OK. What did your spokesperson say to the reporter?
GONZALES: I don’t know. But I told the spokesperson to go back and clarify my statement…
SCHUMER: Well, wait a minute, sir. Sir, with all due respect—and if I could have some order here, Mr. Chairman—in all due respect, you’re just saying, “Well, it was clarified with the reporter,” and you don’t even know what he said. You don’t even know what the clarification is.
Sir, how can you say that you should stay on as attorney general when we go through exercise like this, where you’re bobbing and weaving and ducking to avoid admitting that you deceived the committee? And now you don’t even know.
I’ll give you another chance: You’re hanging your hat on the fact that you clarified the statement two days later. You’re now telling us that is was a spokesperson who did it. What did that spokesperson say? Tell me now, how do you clarify this?
GONZALES: I don’t know, but I’ll find out and get back to you.
What the fuck? Seriously, WHAT THE FUCKING FUCK??!?!??
Only 542 days left until the adults are back in charge. Assuming we all survive that long.
