SemiConscious Dot Org

Christ in a sidecar, they’re at it again. You’d have thought that the deluge of snickers and chortles that accompanied the infamous “50 Greatest Conservative Rock Songs” list last year would’ve convinced our friends on the Right to finally give up their dreams of Rocking Out, but noooooo:

Rockanomics is apparently the place where the ”... America-loving, flag-waving, pro-military, Bush supporting, do-whatever-it-takes smart music fan turns” to.

It is not a parody site, all evidence to the contrary. (Warning: there is, well, we’ll call it “sound”)

Finally! A place where the Tin Foil Hat Crowd can hang out, shoot the shit about how Islamofascists Are Invading Next Tuesday After Lunch and how Liberals Are Traitors to America… and, you know, break off a few tasty riffs at the same time.

Seriously, listen to a few of the tracks on that site. It’s painful. I’m torn between contempt and pity, I really am. Part of me wants to, once again, gently attempt to explain to these dolts that “conservative rock” will always suck because conservatism and musical/artistic innovation are always mutually exclusive and always have been and always will be.

The wild, dangerous, hedonistic spirit that has infused the best rock and roll ever since Robert Johnson made his deal with the Devil will forever be the enemy of head-up-ass reactionary conservatism, but it’s sort of quaint and touching that some nitwits continue to press on in the belief that it could ever be otherwise. They just wanna shred too, dammit! Why should a total lack of musical or songwriting talent and a deep hatred of anyone different from themselves exclude them from the party?

Yessir, part of me wants to lend them a sympathetic ear, pass them a big fattie, and try my damnedest to get them laid, as part of my quaint and touching faith that anyone – even a conservative – can be rehabilitated and turn into a decent human being.

But a bigger part of me wants to treat them with the mocking scorn they so richly deserve.

Guess which part wins.