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From Every Mountainside, Let Truthiness Ring
Stephen Colbert, our nation turned its lonely eyes to you. Woo woo woo.
And you have answered the call, sir. First, there was your rousing, call-to-arms editorial in Sunday’s New York Times:
Nevertheless, I am not ready to announce yet — even though it’s clear that the voters are desperate for a white, male, middle-aged, Jesus-trumpeting alternative.What do I offer? Hope for the common man. Because I am not the Anointed or the Inevitable. I am just an Average Joe like you — if you have a TV show.
Then, in a rare appearance on The Daily Show:
“Tonight, I, Stephen Colbert, am officially announcing that I have decided to officially consider whether or not I will announce that I am running for the president of the United States,” he said to rapturous applause.“I will be making an announcement of that decision very soon, preferably on a more prestigious show.”
How long, we wondered? How long would we have to wait before finding out whether you would take the reins and lead America back to greatness? The wait seemed interminable, torturous.
Finally, 15 minutes later, you informed us of your decision.
O Dear Sweet Jesus, our prayers have been answered!
Granted, this announcement means that the Stewart/Colbert ‘08 campaign is officially dead, but sacrifices must be made for the greater good, and Stewart is that sacrifice. Stewart will no doubt soldier on, but without your greatness to prop him up, his campaign is doomed to flounder, adrift in a sea of despair. No issues, no driving theme, no enthusiasm, no real reason to exist…sort of like Fred Thompson.
But you, Stephen Colbert, will reign supreme! Already, your campaign gathers unstoppable momentum, You will march on a road of bones!
