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Randy Agonistes
Oh, Jesus H. Pencil-Necked Christ.
Hey, he lasted longer than I ever thought he would. I thought that trade would be the death of the franchise, that he would do to the Patriots what he did to the Vikings and the – ok, he didn’t really destroy the Raiders. They were a rotting corpse long before he got there. He merely hastened the decomposition…for which I am profoundly grateful, truth be told. Fuck the Raiders right in the ear.
But he made it through an entire season without reverting to Randy Being Randy, and that season just happened to be the greatest season any wide receiver has ever had in the history of the NFL. That’s a pretty good return on the investment of a fourth round draft pick.
Unfortunately the old demons have returned with a vengeance. And even assuming he isn’t guilty of the charges (which, given his history, is at best iffy), his contract is up, and he’ll probably require the richest contract any receiver has ever signed in order to stay. Considering the rapidly aging linebacker corps who will shortly need to be replaced and the Pro Bowl cornerback who will need to be paid, tying all that cash up in a troubled receiver isn’t the best idea.
So Randy, enjoy your last two games in a Patriot uniform. Get us another ring, and look back fondly on your short time playing for The Team Of The Decade. Next year, the Titans or Jaguars or Buccaneers will be paying you a lot of money.
