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As a Foulness Shall Ye Vote Them
That it not dead which can eternal lie
And with strange eons even death may die.-Abdul Alhazred, The Necronomicon
And at last, the hour has come round for this blog to once again issue its highly coveted 2008 Presidential endorsement. This time around, the sheer volume of concentrated evil inherent in the candidates caused far more protracted deliberation than normal. They have staked out some truly admirable positions in favor of widespread, indiscriminate slaughter and carnage.
Obama took the early lead with his promise to attack our ally Pakistan, but has since been thoroughly eclipsed by Hilary’s threat to nuke Iran. Both candidates’ potential death tolls, however, would pale next to those proposed by John McCain, who promises America 100 years of war and actively seeks the endorsement of loonies who openly pine for the Apocalypse. Truly inspiring, Senator!
Whatever to do? Who to choose? The wailing and gnashing of teeth could be heard from orbit! But, finally, the choice was clear, and it’s a familiar choice.
The human candidates in the race, potentially murderous though they may be, simply can’t compare with Great Cthulhu, whose policy platform consists of driving mad, then devouring, the entire human race. Not even Dear Leader can match Cthulhu’s record of spilled blood, however noble and persistent his attempts.
The final factor clinching our endorsement is Cthulhu’s stated promise to devour his loyal human servants last, thus insuring us a few precious extra minutes of life at your expense. As our race screams for a thousand years in the stomachs of The Elder Gods, such small mercies will be all important.
Ph’nglui mglw’nafh Cthulhu R’lyeh wgah’nagl fhtagn!
