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Back in MY Day…
“I’m old, and everything today is worse than it used to be. Even rock stars today are wimps! Look at this tour rider from something called the Foo Fighters.
“Veggie soups? Metal forks and spoons? A half case of local microbrew? VEGAN MEALS??!?!?
“Flibbedy gibbet! Back in my day, when the Led Zeppelins went on tour, Jimmy Page used to have it IN WRITING that his hotel room would contain no fewer than three naked underage girls cavorting in a hot tub filled with baked beans, a quadrophonic sound system loaded up with a 78 acetate of Aleister Crowley reading the Necronomicon backwards, and an incense brazier made from a hollowed-out goat skull pumping clouds of pure Lebanese hashish smoke through the suite!
“Great Googly Moogly! I remember the good old days, when rock stars used to pillage your town like a bunch of naked, crazed vikings! You’d hide your daughters, and they’d find ‘em anyway with their laser x-ray vision! Why, back in the winter of ‘47, I myself was pulled off the street in broad daylight and molested by Mick Jagger and David Bowie at the same time! That’s the way it was and we liked it! We loved it!
“Now git the hell offa my lawn! Gaaaaa!”
(Gets up to leave, trips over colostomy bag, falls down, chokes to death on own dentures)
