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Friday Monkey Blogging (”Take Your Stinking Servo-Clamps Off Me” Edition)
Last month, in response to terrifying news that monkeys had developed the ability to make their own weapons, we posed the grim question “Today, Spears; Tomorrow, Suitcase Nukes?” However, even we, while ever-vigilant against the impending subjugation of humanity by The Monkey God and his innumerable simian followers, did not in our darkest nightmares assume that their technological prowess would increase that quickly.
How very, very wrong we were!
The results were appeared in the journal Nature’s online edition on Thursday. The arm is controlled by a network of tiny electrodes called a brain-machine interface, implanted into the motor cortex of the monkeys’ brains—the region that controls movement.
It picks up the signals of brain cells as they generate commands to move and converts those into directional signals for the robotic arm, which the monkeys eventually used as a surrogate for their own.
Christ on a stick! The monkeys are constructing robotic battle suits in which to run roughshod over us all! No doubt they got the idea from watching Iron Man. Thanks for selling us out to the enemy, you objectively pro-monkeyfascist Hollywood liberals! You’re all even bigger traitors to America than Rachel Ray!
One can only imagine how much worse the monkey invasion would have been if those America-hating Commie atheist egghead scientists had been allowed to continue their nefarious efforts to breed a “humanzee.” Thank the Baby Jesus that our own intrepid Dear Leader is at the forefront, protecting a frightened America from the imminent threat of human-animal hybrids. Bless you, Dear Leader!
(Many, many links via the feverish rants of the late, great Dr. Theophrastus Bombastus von Hohenheim, beamed in via telepathic mind-meld from his whorehouse in the 23rd dimension.)
