SemiConscious Dot Org

Today is a somber day, as we mark the 100th anniversary of the day terrorists launched their first, brazen attack on freedom:

A hundred years ago this week, a gigantic explosion ripped open the dawn sky above the swampy taiga forest of western Siberia, leaving a scientific riddle that endures to this day.

A dazzling light pierced the heavens, preceding a shock wave with the power of a thousand atomic bombs which flattened 80 million trees in a swathe of more than 2,000 square kilometres (800 square miles).

Evenki nomads recounted how the blast tossed homes and animals into the air. In Irkutsk, 1,500 kilometres (950 miles) away, seismic sensors registered what was initially deemed to be an earthquake. The fireball was so great that a day later, Londoners could read their newspapers under the night sky.

What caused the so-called Tunguska Event, named after the Podkamennaya Tunguska river near where it happened, has spawned at least a half a dozen theories.

Of course, the date has gone largely unnoticed in the Objectively Pro-Terrorist Bleeding Heart Bedwetting Fifth Column America-Hating Liberal Media. This is unsurprising, as Liberals lie awake 23 hours per day dreaming up new ways to undermine America and turn it over to Them. Soon enough, their allies from Mars will be invading, unleashing an orgy of violence that will destroy Capitalism and make us all slaves of Socialist One World Government.

Oh, and by the way: today we saw our very first commercial for the new X-Files movie. Coincidence? We think not!

If there’s one thing I’ve noticed in the nearly five years I’ve ranted here on the ol’ bloggy blog, it’s that hardly any topic generates less interest and commentary than “Aaron Plays Amateur Music Critic.” A smarter man would, perhaps, take this as a sign that nobody gives a crap about his benighted take on what constitutes quality music. Luckily for me, I’m either too dumb or arrogant to notice.

Anyhoo, a couple of weeks ago I posted my favorite albums of the 1960’s. The self-imposed limit of 10 albums, however, caused much wailing and gnashing of teeth, especially when I immediately thought of at least that many good or better albums approximately three seconds after I clicked “Publish.” Accordingly, for the 1970’s installment, I’ve expanded the list to 20. This way I feel free to include more than one release by an artist. Because let’s face facts, folks: Zep and Floyd were the most important white people of the 70’s, and Stevie and George were the most important black people. They all deserve to be represented more than once.

You’ll further notice that nary an appearance is made by such 70’s staples as Fleetwood Mac, Peter Frampton, Meatloaf, or anyone remotely connected to the Saturday Night Fever or Grease soundtracks. Fuck them. And as for the Eagles…well, why don’t we just let The Dude tackle that one.

So, yeah, here’s the list. As before, placement in no way indicates rank. Numbers are square, baby.

Led Zeppelin – IV
Iggy & The Stooges – Raw Power
Pink Floyd – The Dark Side of the Moon
Funkadelic – One Nation Under a Groove
The Clash – London Calling
Black Sabbath – Paranoid
Stevie Wonder – Talking Book
Bob Marley and the Wailers – Live!
John Lennon- Plastic Ono Band
David Bowie – The Rise & Fall of Ziggy Stardust and the Spiders from Mars
Led Zeppelin – Physical Graffiti
Curtis Mayfield – Superfly
The Who – Who’s Next
Funkadelic – Maggot Brain
The Sex Pistols – Never Mind the Bollocks, Here’s the Sex Pistols
Pink Floyd – Animals
Janis Joplin – Pearl
Stevie Wonder – Innervisions
AC/DC - Highway To Hell
Neil Young and Crazy Horse – Rust Never Sleeps

So, you think you’re ready for the Rapture, do ya? Bags packed, infidels mocked and taunted, hilarious bumper sticker affixed to automobile? Perhaps you’ve even followed our advice and arranged to have post-Rapture emails sent to your Hellbound friends and relatives, imploring them to repent. Yes, you’ve thought of everything.

But what about your pets?

It’s a scientific fact that pets, having brains too primitive to read and understand the Good News of Christ’s undying love, are thus unsaved and disqualified from Heaven. And with all the Christians gone, who will feed and care for your precious Woogums in the blood-soaked, sulfurous wasteland of terror and agony that Earth will have become?

Christians, I give you Post-Rapture Pets.

Pet Sitters

• You should have multiple back up sitters available in case your primary sitter is taken up in the Rapture.


• You’ll also need some kind of system to alert them that you’ve been taken up. You’ll probably need to have some kind of prepayment plan, since you won’t be around to write checks.


• For advice on picking a pet sitter, check out Evaluation

Pet Food

• You’ll need some kind of auto dispenser as well. The Rapture and Tribulation times will be very chaotic, so something with a battery backup may be a good idea.


• This should only be needed for a short time assuming you’ve made other arrangements for them through a sitter or friends.

(link via Technoccult)

I’m sure you’ve probably heard about this by now, but we’ve lost another good one: the philosopher Carlin has died.

Man, this is not good. First Hunter, then Robert Anton Wilson, then Vonnegut, now Carlin. At a time when we as a nation and a race are getting dumber and dumber at geometric rates, the list of people who could find witty ways to tell us how dumb we’re getting and implore us to stop is shrinking quickly.

In a bizarre coincidence that Alanis Morrisette would no doubt mislabel as “ironic,” I recently posted a poll inspired by none other than Carlin. It’s as fitting a tribute as any:

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UPDATE: Here’s some words of wisdom from the master. And some more. And more. And how about more? Ok, and one last one. Anyone have any other favorites?

...for some happy news. On Saturday, the Special Lady Friend and I traveled up to Boothbay Harbor to attend the wedding of one of her childhood friends. It was foggy, but luckily not rainy, and the outdoor wedding went off without a hitch. Not surprisingly, the fogbound tip of a rocky Maine peninsula is quite conducive to picture-taking:

More pictures nyah.

Republican electoral strategy, circa 2008:

Forty years in, the Southern Strategy is finally reaping its own rancid karma. We’ll be seeing a lot more of this vileness in the next few months.

Truthfully, though, if you look at it from the Republican perspective, shit like this makes a certain kind of twisted sense. After all, what the hell else could the Republican party possibly run on in 2008? Their RECORD??!?!?

Wow, that was actually pretty easy. Sorry I ever doubted you, guys. I got caught up in all the hype surrounding the Lakers and the myth of “Western Conference superiority.” How was I to know they were just a paper tiger?

After watching the team I followed religiously as a kid become so bad for so long, it’s definitely gratifying to see them return to their rightful place atop the NBA. And they did it the hard way, clawing and scratching for every win, never dominating (until last night), simply outhustling and outworking every opponent that came their way.

Now, if we could just have a do-over on that Superbowl…

The Church of the Latter-Day Dude.

Come join the slowest-growing religion in the world – Dudeism. An ancient philosophy that preaches non-preachiness, practices as little as possible, and above all, uh…lost my train of thought there. Anyway, if you’d like to find peace on earth and goodwill, man, we’ll help you get started. Right after a little nap.

May your White Russian always be cold, and your life mercifully free of Carpet Pee-ers. Selah.

It is with great shame and regret that I must inform you that I completely spaced on this year’s observance of Towel Day. I spent the entire day wandering around this low-rent rock of a planet without The Most Massively Useful Thing in my possession. It’s a wonder I survived. If any regular readers of this blog inadvertently experienced more danger or inconvenience than they otherwise would have due to my failure to warn them of the need to carry a towel, I sincerely apologize.

Let me make it up to you all. Tomorrow, June 16th, is Bloomsday. Whatever else you do, make certain that you have a copy of Ulysses on you at all times, and be sure to drink lots and lots of Guinness. Your very life may depend on it.

There, now we’re even. You’re welcome.

Ah, the joys of life in post-D.A.R.E. America:

On a Monday morning last month, highway patrol officers visited 20 classrooms at El Camino High School to announce some horrible news: Several students had been killed in car wrecks over the weekend.

Oceanside Unified Schools Superintendent Larry Perondi discusses the DUI program as a student looks on.

Classmates wept. Some became hysterical.

A few hours and many tears later, though, the pain turned to fury when the teenagers learned that it was all a hoax, a scared-straight exercise designed by school officials to dramatize the consequences of drinking and driving.

As seniors prepare for graduation parties Friday, school officials in the largely prosperous San Diego, California, suburb are defending themselves against allegations that they went too far.

At school assemblies, some students held posters that read, “Death is real. Don’t play with our emotions.”

Michelle de Gracia, 16, was in physics class when an officer announced that her missing classmate David, a popular basketball player, had died instantly after being rear-ended by a drunken driver. She said she felt nauseated but was too stunned to cry.

“They got the shock they wanted,” she said.

(link via Badtux)

Man, I am so glad I’m not in high school anymore. Lord knows, they fed us a lot of ridiculous, authoritarian bullshit in school during the Reagan era, but nothing remotely approaching this.