Loading ...
The Secret (Victory) Garden
For my birthday last month, the Special Lady Friend and her mother cordoned off a 4X6 plot of yard in back of the house and planted me a garden. Today, I harvested the very first leaves of romaine lettuce and made a salad. Alas, said salad was just lettuce, but a couple of tomatoes have formed, and it won’t be long before they’re ripe. The squash, zucchini, and pumpkin plants are also growing like crazy. (The carrots and broccoli? Not so much, but maybe next year.)
In other words,
BWAAAA HA HA HA HA HAAAA! STEP ONE IN MY FIENDISH WORLD DOMINATION PLAN IS UNDERWAY!!!
For those of you not familiar with my Fiendish World Domination Plan™, it is as follows:
1) Grow massive food supply in back yard, becoming entirely self-sufficient
2) Set up turbines and solar panels on property, thus allowing removal of house from power grid
3) Build bio-diesel distillery in shed
4) Mount cistern, water purification equipment, hydroponic grow lab, and brewery in attic
5) Stockpile weaponry to protect all this booty
6) Take over the tattered, post-apocalyptic remnants of what was once America
And just in case George W. Bush’s destruction of our entire economy isn’t as complete as it now appears to be and America doesn’t disintegrate into series of warring city-states dominated by bloodthirsty warlords like myself, there’s a Plan B:
Steps 1-5: See above.
Step 6: Transport previously noted equipment and supplies out to Boon Island, secede from America, form own micronation with myself and the Special Lady Friend as King and Queen, respectively
So who wants citizenship in my future dystopia? I’m open to bribes, but it’ll cost ya. Don’t wait too long!
