SemiConscious Dot Org

I have decided, upon further reflection and much heavy drinking solemn prayer, that I am no longer worried about the outcome of the 2008 Presidential election. For awhile there, I was genuinely afraid that Oldy McOld and his handpicked cabal of liars, thieves and killers would somehow slither into office in November, insuring Four More Years of neocon reign and guaranteeing that, by November 2012, there would be nothing but a blackened cinder circling the sun where the Earth used to be.

Yes, it seems silly now in retrospect, but once Obama sewed up the nomination, I instinctively winced at the thought of the smear campaign that would soon issue forth from the fetid fever swamp of the American Right. The Rovian playbook would be dusted off once again, and another seemingly easy Democratic Presidential win would dissolve in a hail of manufactured conservative bullshit. After all, it worked for them in 2000 and 2004; why should this year be any different?

But then I got a good look at some of the truly desperate, pathetic b.s. that the 101st Fighting Keyboarders are attempting to sling against Obama, and I knew that there was nothing at all to fear. For instance:

Obama is a “celebrity”and too good looking. And he takes vacations in Hawaii, which is practically a foreign country.

Plus, he’s a Negro.

Also, he’s too healthy and works out too much. No, really. No, really. NO, REALLY!

Oh, and finally, just for good measure, he’s the Antichrist.

Really? That’s it? That’s all you clowns got? I can understand that eight solid years of spewing the most mindbendingly stupid flapdoodle imaginable, all in the increasingly shrill and frantic attempt to prop up the deservedly plummeting approval ratings of the Worst President Ever, must have taken its toll, both mentally and physically. After all, how many Cheetos can a man eat in defense of his Preznit, and how many baldfaced lies can he belch forth, before there simply is no more to give?

Still, this shit is weak, even considering the source. If this is the best they can do, Obama will win by twenty points in November. With any luck, the Republican Party might even go belly-up in the wake of the utter pasting to come, consuming itself in a frenzy of self-flagellation, as the religious crazies and the corporate greedheads turn on one another like rabid dogs.

With any luck, the “Reagan Coalition” that has spent the past thirty years destroying everything that once made this country great may dissolve forever, leaving nothing but nine trillion dollars of debt, the shreds of our Constitution, several endless, unwinnable wars, and a lingering horrid stench to indicate that it had ever been here at all. And we will salt the earth on which it trod, and offer fervent prayer that future generations are not so blind and foolish as to ever let Republicans be in charge of running anything, ever again.

Hey, a boy can dream…