SemiConscious Dot Org

We warned you, didn’t we? Indeed, it was exactly one month ago today that we noted the first reappearance of the arisen Great Cthulhu in the remote waters of the north Pacific. We warned you that this was only the beginning, that soon the entire human race would be screaming forever inside the stomachs of the Elder Gods. And we harbored further fears: if one race of Lovecraftian monsters was awakening, might not other fearsome creatures also be arising from their long slumber? Specifically, we worried about a reappearance of the Great Old Ones, the ancient beings in Lovecraft’s work of “fiction,” At the Mountains of Madness.

From the master’s description:

”...Around equator, one at central apex of each of the five vertical, stave-like ridges are five systems of light gray flexible arms or tentacles found tightly folded to torso but expansible to maximum length of over three feet. Like arms of primitive crinoid. Single stalks three inches diameter branch after six inches into five substalks, each of which branches after eight inches into small, tapering tentacles or tendrils, giving each stalk a total of twenty-five tentacles.”

“At top of torso blunt, bulbous neck of lighter gray, with gill-like suggestions, holds yellowish five-pointed starfish-shaped apparent head covered with three-inch wiry cilia of various prismatic colors.

“Head thick and puffy, about two feet point to point, with three-inch flexible yellowish tubes projecting from each point. Slit in exact center of top probably breathing aperture. At end of each tube is spherical expansion where yellowish membrane rolls back on handling to reveal glassy, red-irised globe, evidently an eye.”

In spite of the overwhelming evidence, we clung to the forlorn hope that the hideous monstrosities might perhaps be extinct. However, we can no longer fool ourselves, for not two days ago, on a weekend getaway to the Oregon seashore with the Papal Concubine, we came across this abomination lying on the beach:

And there you have it: the evidence is incontrovertible. All of the fabled beings from the cursed pages of the Necronomicon are coming back to life. Soon, humanity will be driven completely insane by the tide of horror rising all around it. There is no escape! If the Elder Gods don’t eat you, the Old Ones will dissect you in the spirit of scientific inquiry. Ph’nglui mglw’nafh wagn’nagl fhtagn! Ia!! Ia!!!

By this time next month, we expect to have our first photographic evidence of a Shoggoth.