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Friday Monkey Blogging (Tuesday Drunken Elephant Edition)
Time and time again, we’ve tried to inform you, the skeptical public, about the dire threat posed to the human race by the Monkey God and his simian followers. We’ve shown you irrefutable evidence of their fiendish plans to subjugate and enslave humanity… and still you refuse to listen. Not even the recent news that monkeys are now killing our leaders will wake you from your slothful ignorance, will it?
Ah, but if we told you the monkeys are gaining allies in their rampage?
Enormous, angry, drunken allies:
Six Asiatic wild elephants were electrocuted as they went berserk after drinking rice beer in India’s remote northeast, a wildlife official said Tuesday.Nearly 40 elephants came to a village on Friday looking for food. Some found beer, which farmers ferment and keep in plastic and tin drums in their huts, said Sunil Kumar, a state wildlife official.
They got drunk, uprooted a utility pole carrying power lines and were electrocuted in Chandan Nukat, a village nearly 150 miles west of Shillong, the capital of Meghalaya state, Kumar said.
Do you finally get it now? The monkeys by themselves pose enough of a threat to our future existence; but now they’ve recruited assistance from animals big enough to devour the entire cast of The View for breakfast and not even get full! (And that, my friend, is a lot of empty calories.) Plus, they never forget.
God help us all when the monkeys and elephants inevitably develop the ability to manufacture, purchase, and operate firearms.
