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To celebrate our first anniversary, the Special Lady Friend and I took a getaway trip to the small island of Monhegan, ten miles off the Maine coast. There, far beyond the insidious reach of teevee, cell phones, and the Interweb Tubes, we enjoyed several days of excessive public drinking rest and relaxation. Monhegan might just be one of the most beautiful spots on earth.
Here are a few pics. (Full set nyah.)
With that beautiful headline, the inaugural post of this here little ol’ blog landed smack dab on the interweb tubes, five years ago today. From its humble beginnings as the “Drivel Sideblog” on my original (now defunct) website, it gradually took on a life of its own, jumping domains and changing names numerous times in a valiant and heroic quest to shed all but the most dedicated (and bored) of readers. A reverse-elite corps, if you will…
And today, 1,826 days later and the successful purging long complete, a robust, loyal readership of five hardy souls visits for their daily weekly sporadic fill of foul-mouthed misanthropic cynicism, political tirades, patently unfunny attempts at comedy, and fawning reviews of obscure, screechy metal bands.
And, of course, the real reason that people visit: Monkeys.
(Oh yeah, and there’s another anniversary coming up a few days after tomorrow’s blogiversary. I hear these things are pretty important, too…)
As of tomorrow, it will be one year to the day since the Special Lady Friend and I arrived in Maine, fresh off our 4,300 mile odyssey, moving back from Seattle. (Although, if you want to be pedantic about it, this is a leap year, so technically today is exactly 365 days. Luckily, I am not pedantic.)
It’s been an eventful year. Since setting up shop back on the East Siiiide, I’ve
After being away from my home state for the better part of a decade, I can say it’s changed quite a bit. I used to curse the place for being too conservative and claustrophobic, but an interesting thing happened while I was gone: Mainers have loosened up quite a bit. There’s state-run health insurance for the poor, every 8th grader gets a laptop, the Green Party has official standing, marijuana laws are fairly lax, and George W. Bush is staggeringly unpopular, even in Kennebunkport.
In fact, given its large size, low population density, large swathes of pristine wilderness, and odd mix of rednecks and hippies, Maine less resembles its urbanized, overpopulated Northeast neighbors than a large, Western state.
Except, of course, that here, the sun rises out of the ocean, instead of setting in it. As it should be.
It is with great shame and regret that I must inform you that I completely spaced on this year’s observance of Towel Day. I spent the entire day wandering around this low-rent rock of a planet without The Most Massively Useful Thing in my possession. It’s a wonder I survived. If any regular readers of this blog inadvertently experienced more danger or inconvenience than they otherwise would have due to my failure to warn them of the need to carry a towel, I sincerely apologize.
Let me make it up to you all. Tomorrow, June 16th, is Bloomsday. Whatever else you do, make certain that you have a copy of Ulysses on you at all times, and be sure to drink lots and lots of Guinness. Your very life may depend on it.
There, now we’re even. You’re welcome.
Okay, so Mark at A Bunch Of Us may have posted this clip first, but that’s only because he turned 37 before I did. However, I swear on the Little Baby Jesus that I didn’t get the idea from him, and had independently thought of this weeks ago. Weeks, I tell you!
So yeah, it’s my birfday. There’s a thunderstorm going on outside, and I’m watching The Holy Grail while sipping slowly and respectfully on a Dogfish Head 120 Minute IPA. Yes, at 10 o’clock in the morning. Your point?
And now, onto the presents:
And there was much rejoicing.
(Originally posted on May 1st, 2006; bumped up and updated with new links.)
O glorious day! We were prepared to mark the illustrious passing of May 1st by wishing all and sundry a happy May Day, Beltane, and/or Walpurgisnacht. However, it has recently come to our attention that this particular day is sacred to many, many others folks besides all the Celts, Druids, Wiccans, Pagans, and Anarcho-syndicalists in the hizz-ouse.
For example, lazy people. Did you know that today is National Phone In Sick Day? If you’re reading this at work, then you obviously didn’t! Sucker!
In addition, today is also a sacred day to those who revere and exalt our very own Dear Leader. For, on a glorious May 1st three four five short years ago, Dear Leader proclaimed not one, but two holidays – Loyalty Day and Mission Accomplished Day! This twin killing billing serves an ingenious purpose: if, at some point during the course of today, you happen to hear some objectively pro-terrorist nogoodnik point out that 2,262 of the 2,399 3,212 of the 3,351 3924 of the 4063 American fatalities in Iraq have occured since Dear Leader’s war ended, merely change the subject and challenge their patriotism by asking them if they know it’s Loyalty Day!
If you happen to live in Maine or Massachusetts, tomorrow is Patriot’s Day. In honor of the holiday, I decided to take a drive down to Kennebunkport and let the President know what I’ve thought of his job performance these past 7+ years:
Yes, I’m fully aware that Dear Leader was not actually home. Had he been, the road for miles around Walker’s Point would have been closed off by the Secret Service in order to prevent various and sundry riff raff like me (otherwise known as “voters”) from showing up and pestering Our President (otherwise known as “our employee.”)
I’m pretty sure that under Article 666 of the Patriot Act, making fun of Dear Leader constitutes treason. So if I happen to disappear and none of you ever hear from me again, you’ll know why.
Great news, kids! If your birthday is February 29th and you just turned 84 today, you’re finally old enough to drink legally! Enjoy!
Above: His frat brothers bought him a hooker to celebrate!
But wait, there’s more good news! Ponder this is as you down that first frosty cold one, my newly-legal octogenarian friend:
In just 176 years, you can retire.
(Direct link to clip nyah.)
And while we’re on the subject of the Drive-By Truckers: seems they’ve got a new album out. As usual, everybody loves it. Guess I know what I’ll be buying after work today. I wonder if the Special Lady Friend will appreciate a cd of hard-edged Southern rock as a Valentine’s Day present?
I know I would. Maybe it’s a Guy Thing.
Bonus clip: Outkast goes all P-Funk on your asses.
